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UPDATED: APOCALYPTO movie review

Apocalypto

Looking for a great jungle chase scene? And some good characterization of a husband and wife with a truly charming bond? This is your movie.

But if you’re looking for the story of the rise and fall of an amazing civilization…

Or for information about the tremendous discoveries made by advanced civilizations in the pre-Columbian Americas….

Or for non-caricatured villains…

Or for any kind of accuracy at all in terms of geography, the historically documented time line, or frankly, anything other than some basic information you could get from a kindergarten picture book…

You will be disappointed.

What a waste of money. What an ego trip. What a… oh well, I liked the story about the husband and wife. And my husband liked the chase scene.

I didn’t go to see this in the theater because I didn’t want to contribute to MG’s success given the type of man he has proven himself to be. But I really wanted to see it on the big screen, because I’ve visited pyramids in Mexico, and I’ve done some light research, and I thought this movie would give me more. Instead, it gives so much less. Sure, that one glimpse of the big pyramid was impressive – I know that because the very misleading trailer contained it. But the rest – phhffft. We have an 8-year-old 50 inch dinosaur in our family room, so if this had been impressive in the epic sense, I would have gotten a feel for that.

Am I disappointed? Oddly, I’m not sure. I didn’t want to love it, because then I would have wanted to buy it, and contribute too much to MG. I didn’t want to have to say – yes, he’s despicable, but he made a great movie, and gave us a glimpse of an amazing time in history.

But I also didn’t want to waste two hours of my life. And I was hoping that some people – those who haven’t been exposed to any info about these times and these people – would have been impressed, entranced, and anxious to learn more.

I doubt it. According to this movie, all that culture did was build big pyramids on which to butcher people. There is a nod to their astronomical expertise, but just that – a nod.

It would be akin to a movie about Rome that only shows an orgy and a gladiator fight. The decadence, but without the sense of greatness and destiny. If the audience has background on the early days of the Roman empire, then that’s fine. But otherwise, ugh.

Plus, the inaccuracies!! They’re mind boggling. The worst ever! And don’t get me started on the obligatory corn field scene – what is it with these male directors? Sheesh.

That’s it. Let’s see if LJ lets me post this.

Kate

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